PERIOD COMMUNICATION

The Direct Approach

Description: You just say it.

Examples -
1. "I got my period today." (The simple version)
2. "I got my period today so we can't have sex tonight." (The "let there be no doubt" version)
3. "Honey, I'm bleeding." (The gross version)

Benefits: Fast, simple, gets the message across. Amusing results can be achieved when the timing is right. Such as when you're in a public place or eating dinner. More amusing results can be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents. The best results, of course, will be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents in a public place.

Cautions: May freak out some men, if you're unsure about the nature of the relationship you're in but would rather not find out at this stage - go for an alternative approach. Sometimes best to keep until the last minute, like when he can't tell you to go home. Will give away the fact that you regard it as an issue (that is, if you regard it as an issue)

Requirements: At least a little bit of courage and an open, well established relationship are advisable.

The Casual (or "by the way") Approach

Description: You talk about something else and then slip the line in when he's not expecting it.

Examples -
1. "Oh, I got my period today." (the simple version)
2. "Oh look! we've almost run out of milk... Oh by the way, I got my period today." (The "obscure chain of thought version")
3. "Oh, yeah, and I got my period today too." (the "I am being direct but I didn't think it was that important" version)

Benefits: Cunning, fast, fairly simple, gets the message across. Doesn't require as much courage as the direct approach. Doesn't make you look like you're making a big issue out of it.

Cautions: Still requires some sort of courage. When done badly may be taken as the direct approach only even more so cause you supposedly tried to be subtle about it.

Requirements: A little bit of courage still, some manipulation skills and knowing to spot the difference between the right moment and the wrong moment.

The Humorous Approach

Description: Turn it into a little joke.

Examples -
1. You (in an excited tone of voice): "Guess what I got?"
Him: "what? what?"
You: "My period!"
2. You: "There's good news and there's bad news. The good news is that you didn't get me pregnant."
Him: "And the bad news?"
You: "The way I find out" (The "may need some clarification for the stupid" version)

Benefits: Endearing, amusing, makes the whole thing more relaxed and fun for both of you.

Cautions: May not work if he doesn't have a sense of humor. May take a few more sentences to explain what you mean if he's not very bright. You need to come up with new jokes all the time unless he has a very short memory.

Requirements: Both of you must have a sense of humor for this to work.

The Subtle Approach

Description: Instead of telling him, you give little hints that make him figure out for himself.

Examples -
1. Spread a lot of tampons around the house in obvious places. (The very subtle version)
2. Ask him if he's seen your pack of tampons. (The slightly less subtle version)
3. Send him to buy you more tampons. (The even less subtle version)
4. Talk about the way you feel when you have your period until he asks. (the possibly very long version)

Benefits: Takes the load off you. Doesn't require courage. Useful for times when you want to get the message across without giving away your overall intentions (like when you're trying to play hard to get but your intention is to eventually get laid).

Cautions: may take a long time and possibly not deliver the message at all.

Requirements: The man must have a functioning brain with at least one clue in order for this method to work.

The "Let the bastard figure it out" Approach

Description: You act out your PMS till he asks if you got your period. Then you get upset and act out your PMS some more for good measure.

Examples -
1. Be grumpy and mean. (the toned down version)
2. Throw something heavy at him. (the not so toned down version)
3. Do something horrible to his favorite things, like burn his favorite pair of boxers or sell his CD collection. (the fun version)

Benefits: Fun, fairly direct and you don't have to raise the issue yourself, if it works.

Cautions: When taken the wrong way, may lead to some relationship woes. If you follow example #2, may involve the police coming round.

Requirements: A tolerant man is advisable if you care about whether or not he sticks around/survives. A first aid kit can sometimes help.

The "Periods can be fun!" Approach

Description: When you tell him. try and soften the blow by talking about something fun you could do that you wouldn't do otherwise.

Examples -
1. "I got my period today, honey. We can finally go out and see what color the sky is!" (the "wonderful new opportunities" version)
2. "I got my period today, honey. We can explore out intellectual side tonight instead of just having sex like everybody else." (the "god I hope he falls for this psychology-fluff crap" version)
3. "I got my period today, honey. We can go out and so something fun. We haven't been doing that recently... I'll pay."(the wimpy bribery version)

Benefits: Delivers the message. when it works - it makes them feel happy and in touch with their feminine side or at least well fed for less cash.

Cautions: Sometimes they don't fall for it. Lacks self respect.

Requirements: The ability to talk shit and a nice loaded wallet are advisable.

The Sympathy Approach

Description: Make him feel so sorry for your monthly suffering he won't have time to think of his minor inconvenience.

Examples -
1. "Owwww, cramps!" (the pained version)
2. "Yuck blood!" (the "I'm totally grossed out, your cue to tell me I'm beautiful" version)
3. "Don't mind me, I'll just sit here and hate myself and drown in blood and be in pain for a whole week!" (The dreaded Jewish guilt trip version)

Benefits: Fun, gets the message across very well, gets you sympathy when it works.

Cautions: May be lost on the asshole bastard ones. Has to be done convincingly in order to work.

Requirements: some skills in the fishing department are advisable.

The Sweet Surprise Approach

Description: Don't tell him.

Examples -
1. "Oh yeah. I got it today, forgot to tell you. Sorry about the mess." (the regretful version)
2. "Ok, I won't tell you it's blood. Happy now?" (the no regrets version)
3. "Haven't you ever seen a tampon before?" (the duuuuuuuuuuh approach)
4. "Naaah, it's ok we don't have to have sex tonight, I'm tired too." (the lucky version)

Benefits: you don't have to do anything and if you're lucky - he never finds out.

Cautions: very risky, they normally do find out and sometimes they don't take it well.

Requirements: A very laid back man and a good washing powder are advisable.