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YOU KNOW YOU'RE A HO WHEN...
- You've slept with Geraldo Rivera. - You become a Vaseline spokesperson. - You go through a Sealy Mattress (tm) a week. - Frederick actually comes to your door himself just to see where 1/2 of his orders go. - When people say, "Ho, Ho, Ho" and it's July. - Your baby looks familiar, but like who? - When they change your # to 976. - Tetracycline is your best friend. - McDonald's calls you "The Happy Meal." - Changing your sheets comes more than once a day. - When you've got a "Take a Number" machine at your door. - When getting dressed is not part of your day. - Your day starts and ends by rolling over. - When your screams are heard over a fire alarm. - When you're wearing more latex than spandex. - When your ceiling mirrors fog. - When the Marine Corps does recruitment outside your door. - When you have a neon sign saying, "Open All Night." - You want to have your name changed to Misty. - Madonna comes to you for pointers. - When your favorite quote is, "Next please." - When Guinness Book starts calling. - When every song reminds you of someone, but who? - When he doesn't even have to buy you a drink. - When you have a room key to every hotel in town. - When Holiday Inn is coming after you for their linen. - Motel 6 signals you in with runway lights. - The only place you haven't had sex is on the moon. - When soft foods have become distasteful. - When you and your cat have the same tongue consistency. - When other women begin to call you, "Man's Best Friend." - You and Prince have already made 3 records.
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