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| WAYS TO SURVIVE EVEN THE DULLEST OF SERMONS
* Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests. * See if a yawn really is contagious. * Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the priest. * Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs. * Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B and so on through the alphabet. You may get stuck on 'Q' and 'X' though... * Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that made it to the front. * Using church notice-sheets or newcomers cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes. * Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed. * Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the lavatory. * Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn. * If the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles. * Pretend to be 4 years old. * Try to indicate to the minister that his fly is undone. * By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn you shirt inside out. * Try to raise one eyebrow. * Crack your knuckles. * Think about your chin for an entire minute. * Twiddle your thumbs. * Twiddle your neighbors thumbs. * Wiggle your ears so that the people behind you will notice. * Practice smiling insincerely.
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