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| WHAT JOB APPLICANTS REALLY MEAN
* I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks. * I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do. * I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've used Microsoft Office. * I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies. * MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had. * I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes. * I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED: I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room. * I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly. * I'M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers. * I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better. * I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer. * MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS: You're probably looking for someone more experienced. * I AM ADAPTABLE: I've changed jobs a lot. * I AM ON THE GO: I'm never at my desk. * I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there. * I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING: I'm a college drop-out. * I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS: I've been accused of sexual harassment. * THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION: Wait! Don't throw me away! * I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON: Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
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