YOU WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT IF...

* You understand the rationalization of an acronym comprised of acronyms.

* You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do.

* You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to it's importance. (1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor. (2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention.

* You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym.

* You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.

* The process becomes more important than the product.

* You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.

* You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.

* You realize that a paperless office is impossible. Actually, you believe it is possible, just not in your office.

* You keep documents/manuals on projects that have been long since canceled.

* You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them.

* You fly across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money.

* You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different agencies.

* Your name plate is attached with Velcro.

* Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

* The office symbol on your badge is applied with tape.

* When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.

* You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.

* Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you loose your best jokes.

* Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

* You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

* You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.

* It's dark when you drive to and from work.

* Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.

* Communication is something your group is having problems with.

* You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.

* Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.

* Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.

* Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.

* Art involves a white board.

* You're already late on the assignment you just got.

* You work 200 hours for the $100 performance check and jubilantly say, "Oh wow, thanks!"

* Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.

* Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes," "in your spare time," "when you're freed up," and "I have an opportunity for you."

* Vacation is something you roll over to next year.

* Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers."

* Change is the norm.

* Nepotism is encouraged.

* The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures hang in your cube.

* You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

* You can name more people that used to work with you than people who do.