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| SIGNS YOUR PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE IS UNDER-QUALIFIED
- Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii. - Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing." - His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Bob Vila guy." - Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares. - Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally Struthers with a chocolate donut. - Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state or the DC thingie?" - At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You wanna wrestle?!?" - Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all. - Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, "I win!" - On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a LIFELINE.
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