STUPID PEOPLE

Did you hear about the stupid person who...

* Waited on the street corner with a piece of bread to get some traffic jam.

* Saluted the refrigerator because it was a General Electric.

* Went to the lumber yard to see the Board of Education.

* Ate some pennies and then asked if people saw any change in him.

* Cut off his hands so he could play the piano by ear.

* Put birdseed in his shoes to feed his pigeon toes.

* Knocked on the lamp post because he saw a light upstairs and knew someone was home.

* Brought a ladder to the party because the drinks were on the house.

* Put his chin on the curb to get his mind out of the gutter.

* Jumped from a skyscraper to show he had guts.

* Put a chair in the coffin for rigor mortis to set in.

* Took his pregnant wife to the grocery store because he heard they had free delivery.

* Filled the gym with water because he heard he was going in as a sub.

* Was so modest he went into the closet to change his mind.

* Thought he was upside down because his nose ran and his feet smelled.

* Put his best friend through the meat grinder so he could scrape up a new acquaintance.

* Took the street car home and his mother made him take it back.

* Backed out of the street car because he heard that as soon as he got up someone would take his seat.

* Took his nose apart to see what made it run.

* Pulled out his teeth so he would have more gum to chew.

A Stupid Person is...

* A few clowns short of a circus...

* A few fries short of a Happy Meal...

* An experiment in artificial stupidity...

* A few beers short of a six pack...

* Dumber than a box of hair...

* A few peas short of a casserole....

* Doesn't have all his Cornflakes in one box...

* The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead...

* One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl...

* One taco short of a combo plate...

* A few feathers short of a whole duck...

* All foam, no beer...

* The cheese slid off his cracker...

* Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel...

* Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt...

* Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear...

* Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel...

* He fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down...

* An intellect rivaled only by garden tools...

* As smart as bait...

* Chimney's clogged...

* Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash...

* Doesn't know much but, leads the league in nostril hair...

* Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor...

* Forgot to pay his brain bill...

* Her sewing machine's out of thread...

* His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels...

* His belt doesn't go through all the loops...

* If he had another brain, it would be lonely...

* Missing a few buttons on his remote control...

* No grain in the silo...

* Proof that evolution can go in reverse...

* Receiver is off the hook...

* Several nuts short of a full pouch...

* Sky light leaks a little...

* Slinky's kinked...

* Too much yardage between the goal posts...

* Not the sharpest knife in the drawer...

* Half a bubble off plumb...

* A few sandwiches short of a picnic ...