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SIGNS THE ROMANCE HAS GONE OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE
* You let one rip in your sleep and don't care if he hears. * Talking dirty in bed means shouting obscenities when he hogs the blanket. * Chivalry's as dead as the door he lets slam in your face. * PMS lasts all month. * Your jumbo box of absorbent maxi-pads is on open display. * "Honey, what are you thinking?" is now, "Are you finished yet?!" * He yawns when you bitch about that guy hitting on you at work. * Those frilly, lacy, tiny panties have become way too uncomfortable. * Two weeks no orgasm. * Three weeks no orgasm ... and you still don't miss it. * When he lends you five bucks, he expects it back. * You'd rather spend quality time with your vibrator. * The way he breathes is getting on your nerves. * Spouse using your toothbrush to scrub tile grout. * Candlelight dinners now illuminated by sticks of dynamite. * Spouse has gone from moaning while making love to moaning ABOUT making love. * Victoria's Secret? More like K-Mart's Special. * The only thigh you see on your anniversary is at KFC. * Morning breath no longer gives you that same thrill. * Husband's casual suggestions to "try swinging" are growing alarmingly frequent. * Your husband wants to adopt a 17 year-old waitress from Hooters. * A romantic Saturday night at home now includes Dr.Quinn, Medicine Woman. * Wife keeping list of things she'll do after you're finally dead. * Request for sex now gets you $100 and a ticket to Vegas.
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