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WAYS TO BE OFFENSIVE AT A WEDDING
* Show up with a baby and claim he belongs to the newlyweds. * Cover yourself with glue to improve your chances of catching the bouquet. * Offer to show people pictures of the bride having sex with a dog. * Tell people that you knew the bride before the sex change operation. * Tell the bride that the only reason you can look at her is that you used to be a proctologist. * As you move down the receiving line, spit on each person. * Ask the bride's mother to give you a hand job. * Give the bride some Binaca, and tell her it kills the taste of sperm. * Propose a toast to the bride's nose job. * Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so no one can tell who they came from. * Walk up to various guests and demand to see their invitations. * After the bride throws her garter, start people chanting, "Throw your bra, throw your bra..." * Tell everyone that the groom had to be given Quaaludes to keep him from backing out. * Tell the rabbi that there's no money to pay him, and ask if he'll settle for stupping the bride. * Assure the bride's mother that the groom is "hung like a horse." * Return a bra which the bride left in your car. * When the bride is coming down the aisle, push the organist out of the way and start playing, "The Lady is a Tramp." * Instead of paying to dance with the bride in the "Dollar Dance", ask her for a lap dance.
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