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SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING MENOPAUSE
* You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. (Hot flashes) * The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed. (Nightsweats) * Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. (Mood swings) * You write post-it notes with your kid's names on them. (Memory loss) * Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home." and you reply, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie f*cking Nelson". (Irritability) * The phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest. (Sleeplessness) * You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner. (Fatigue) * You change your underwear after every sneeze. (Mild incontinence) * You need Jaws Of Life to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant. (Sudden weight gain) * You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist. (Dryness) * You take a sudden interest in "Wrestlemania". (Female hormone deficiency) * You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales. (Hormone therapy)
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