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FATAL THINGS TO SAY IF YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT
* "Sure you'll get your figure back ... we'll just search 1985 where you left it." * "How come you're so much fatter than the other chicks in Lamaze?" * "What's the big deal? If you can handle *me* going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out." * "Hey, when you're finished puking in there, get me a beer, willya?" * "Yo, Fatass! You're blocking the TV!" * "I finished the Oreos." * "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds." * "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!!" * "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!" * "Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl." * "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella." * "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt." * "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!" * "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?" * "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?" * "Get your *own* ice cream." * "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today." * "Got milk?" * "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney." * "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!" * "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam..." * "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger..."
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