YOU KNOW YOU'RE ITALIAN WHEN...

- You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.

- Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a 76 Monte Carlo.

- You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Firebird.

- Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.

- You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast.

- Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.

- You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs.

- Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.

- At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.

- All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.

- A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.

- You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

- If someone in your family grows beyond 5'6", it is presumed his mother had an affair.

- There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

- You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

- At some point in your life, you were a D.J

- 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering the phone.

- You have ever been in a fight defending Sly Stallone's thespian greatness.

- Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna.

- You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and wrought iron.

- You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School.

- Clothes from the Chess King will actually fit you.

- It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets.

- Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut."