SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT NEED A DIFFERENT LAWYER

* During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.

* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

* He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

* He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."

* He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.

* Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"

* Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

* The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."

* Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."

* He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

* Opening argument in which he called the prosecutor a "Doo-Doo Head" could hurt your case.

* Tries to cheer you up by saying how great you look in orange.

* Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.

* Keeps trying to call a witness named "Johnny, the Trouser Troll."

* The only question he can come up with during cross-examination is, "Isn't it true that you're a lying bastard?"

* Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury.

* Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"

* Instead of saying, "Your honor, I object," he now just rolls his eyes and says, "Whatever."

* Claims staring at your cleavage is a necessary part of the "discovery" processes.

* Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.

* You met him in prison.

* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.

* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."                   

* He tells you that he's never told a lie.

* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

* A prison guard is shaving your head.