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| YOU KNOW NO ONE LOVES YOU IF...
- The pet cat got better food than you did. - Your parents told you about strange men giving away sweets and to go and find as many of them as possible. - You play "hide & seek" with your Mother and she hides in another town. - Your parents take you to an orphanage and tell you to mingle. - Your parents told you about the magic money box in the cupboard where you can hide your pocket money, and - you've since found out it was the coin-op electric meter. - You had to share your sandbox with the cat. - You always got your weekly allowance in Traveler's Checks. - Your folks threw a "going-into-the-Army" party when you were only three years old. - You run away, and the family can't give the Police an accurate description. - You kept getting left beside the monkey enclosure at the zoo. - You were always stood-up at the Father-Son banquet held at the local Church. - Kidnappers send back a piece of your ear and your parents demand more proof before they pay any ransom. - When you were born, your Father gave out old cigar butts. - Your parents encourage you to fish in shark infested waters. - As a baby, your Father threw you in the air and walked away. - You find out your Mother is nursing another baby on the side. - Your tub toys included a toaster shaped like a rubber duck.
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